Turning Anger into Prayer

Before I tell my tale about anger, the subject of the last Rosh Chodesh Society meeting, let me say that it is a privilege to attend Chanie's classes. her love for Torah is inspiring, her knowledge is profound and the way she relates the Torah to our lives is very meaningful. The class on anger was especially helpful to me, and here's why:

At the end of the class, after we had acknowledged the dangers of angry feelings, Chanie told a Torah story about how anger can be turned around to become a benefit. She said that, because the emotions generated by anger are even stronger than 'good' emotions, they can be turned around and used to pray. And those prayers are the strongest and can be lifted higher, straight up to G-d. The very next day, I had a chance to test that truth.

Many years ago, about a year after my parents were killed suddenly in an auto accident when I was 13, rabbi Biegeleisen, of blessed memory, gave me a precious gift. he was the 'second Rabbi in command' at Cong. Sons of Israel in Lakewood, the one who gave Chessed to members of the congregation in need. He gave me a perpetual calendar that showed the English calendar dates that correspond to the 16th of Sivan, my parents Yartzeit, for every year from 1948 through 2000. I kept that calendar for over 50 years!

This year on May 25, the 15th of Sivan, the day before the Yartzeit, I had an early appointment with my accountant, Gershon Biegeleisen, who just happens to be the son of that wonderful Rabbi who gave me the calendar so many years ago. After our meeting, I decided that since I was in Lakewood, I'd visit my parent's grave  in the cemetery on East 7th St. I always feel that a part of my mother's spirit is still there and it is a very sacred place to me of course.

Approaching the cemetery gate in my car, I suddenly felt a storing surge of anger. Where did it come from?  It just welled up; I had no control over it. I had been to 'visit' my parents many times before, but, although I WAS very angry that they were takes away so suddenly, so early in my life and theirs, I had always suppressed that anger, especially in the sacred surrounding of the cemetery.

That evening when I lighted the Yartzeit candles, I felt my mother's soul so close to me. As I asked her to help pray for my son, so he be well and strong again, my anger became an enormous prayer that seemed to fill the room with light and power. Somehow I knew that Hashem had heard.

Need I also say, that the Rebbe teaches that on a Tzaddik's Yartzeit, is an especially good time to pray. To me, my mother was a Tzaddik, and coincidentally, today (as I write this) is the Yartzeit of the Rebbe.